LIKE and Marriage

Frank Sinatra sang, “Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage…” Kind of funny that Al and Peggy are what I think about when I hear that song….

I remember Mom and Dad talking about meeting on a blind date… But other than that I don’t really know the story about the courtship and marriage. Guess it never really occurred to me to ask. They always seemed happy as a couple. So, it was quite a surprise to me when they divorced.

You see at the time, I was in Los Angeles about 16 months into my 2 year missionary service. I knew they were separated; so, each week I wrote them both a letter. .I hadn’t talked or seen them since leaving for my service.

Mission guidelines suggested that we focus on the work of the Lord and not worry about other stuff! So, I just worked my hind end off trying to bring the good word to the savages of the Greater Los Angeles area….

Here’s how it went down. The Mission Director called me around 7am on October 7, 1992 and said, “your parent’s divorce was finalized yesterday. You can call them…”.

I am sure this great man said other things…but all I heard was the “D” word, and my brain shut off. There was only one thing to do to keep from crying. I dropped down and prayed for some sort of understanding.

I probably should’ve prayed in the bedroom or closet… But I didn’t….My partner must have thought I lost my mind because I chucked the phone and fell down to my knees in the middle of the very small apartment’s living room. He later said I didn’t move for almost an hour! My how time flies when you’re talking to The Man about stuff!!!

Well..short story longer… Never did call home that day..or for that matter, not during my 2 year Mission service.

I still don’t understand almost 20 years later. I don’t get how the change occurs in people to go from “I love you, cuddle pup!!!” to “I hope rats infest your gut for 1000 years!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, Mary and I have had our moments where divorce crossed our minds…and those words actually came out… But we eventually got over that after the first 7-8 years…

I guess when I don’t like her much (which doesn’t happen often now), I remember WHY we started this whole relationship… To have a FRIEND…a true friend! And you don’t have to like your friends or agree with them all the time…. But you HAVE to LOVE them unconditionally until you actually LIKE them!!!

And despite all my many flaws and failings, Mary loves me… And that fact makes me smile inside!!!!

Have a wonderful day and feel free to go hug someone today for no other reason than to make them smile!!!!


7 Responses to “LIKE and Marriage”
  1. Jeff says:

    Now that is a sweet post. You may not know, but parents did things differently. They made it to the rat infestation stage, but never got a divorce. I don’t know which is worse.


  2. John says:

    I like this one. I celebrated 2yrs of being divorced yesterday and so much better off and happy to be able to be me w/o apologizing for it. But the lasting affects of it w my kids still trouble me everyday. Tough deal.


  3. Stephanie says:

    I can only imagine how you felt after learning the news of your parent’s divorce. I remember your parents and that comes as a shock to me to hear it now. I guess that goes to show it can happen to anyone.

    After years of failed attempts, I believe that I have finally found my true partner in life. Like John, I am finally able to be myself without having to try and be who they want me to be. I’m just me, and he loves the good and bad. I know the bad probably drives him nuts sometimes, but I hope the good overpowers that most of the time!

    Congrats to you and Mary for your commitment to each other and for showing your son how it’s truly “done”. A lot of us never really saw a solid relationship growing up to learn by, so I’m glad that Justin has that with his ol’ Mom & Pop !


  4. Tasha Wittebort says:

    Okay I’ll say again that I am so sorry about your parents. I couldn’t as a child -young or adult- imagine what it is to feel like to be a child of divorce. That being said – that takes a lot of guts of say that you may not always like your partner but you always love ’em!! That is something that Randy and I always tell the younger folks when getting married. You don’t have to always like the person but you have to always love them. Once you say that till Death do us Part doesn’t mean that you get to kill them to get rid of them either!!! I also advise people that you can go to bed mad, it’s how you act when you get up. I don’t ever remember a time when I woke up still mad at Randy. I remember wanting to be mad at him but just couldn’t be. Yes Randy and I both have failed marriages between us so I say BRAVO to you and Mary for fighting through the rough times so you can enjoy the good ones.


  5. Angela Veitch says:

    love it!! keep up the blogging….puts a smile on my face!!


  6. Karen Deason Tutor says:

    I must say that that divorce was one of the biggest mistakes of my life IF for no other reason than what it did to the family core. I have such regrets and wish I could undo all of the sadness that resulted from it. I also must add that I had thought it would be easier with the children all grown and not still at home or in school. I can’t say that it was though. (Just read your comments, Aaron, and you’ll how it has affected you and keeps affecting you.)
    I have come to believe since that time, ( I believed that before the divorce but somehow lost sight of that belief) that children have the RIGHT to be with their family. We brought them in to the world and they are innocent. We have an obligation to keep the family together. Of course, IF we would prayerfully go about selecting our mate and live our lives worthily, I think the big “D” word could decreased. But in this time and age of self gratification, we want what we want now and have lost the ability and virtue of PATIENCE. Not only the patience for things to work out, but patience to learn what blessings the Lord has in store for us. Sacrifice is one of the things that makes us grow and develop. It isn’t easy to stick to things, especially when there are problems. But, it is going throughthe hard times that make us closer and stronger. It is when we become selfish and think of ourselves ( and forfeit the art of selflessly thinking of our mate and trying to put his/her happiness or needs first) that we are then set up for what happened to me (of course that is only my opinion and how I see it. Don’t know that anyone else will agree with that.) If children are not involved then I guess it doesn’t matter if you and your choice of a mate split, but when children are involved, and a family has been built, then I have learned through sad mistake, that one of the most important responsiblities is to create that circle of love that brings security and love to those children you have brought into this world. When you move away from living the way you are supposed to live, from being and doing the things God would have you do, then you have also crossed the line where there is no promise for your future happiness.
    I wish I had been wise enough then and thought of my family more, than what I thought was a hard time for me and acting upon that. Also I want to add that relationships are so fragile and there are times we say things that we don’t really mean and yet those things back your partner into a corner and because of pride or stubborness, neither will back down and the road to ruin is begun.


    • adeason123 says:

      My dear sweet Mother…Great words of wisdom. The problem lies in selfishness…The problem is that people do not necessarily see it until TOO late and there is no recourse. As you said, the key is keeping close to each other…and even closer to GOD! Sure it has affected both bad but REALLY more for the GOOD!


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