Death- The Final Frontier

Euphemism by my definition is “trying to make something seem LESS bad than it is.”

I am not sure what word fits here…but I loathe, abhor, disdain, and just plain old hate euphemisms!!! Come on people… Deal with your issues and call it what it is!

Sorry for the tirade, I am using my soothing words to “get me to my Happy Place!!”

Death (Mary thinks I need to point out here that I have NO desire or intention to partake in presently) brings out some of the worst possible euphemisms EVER!!!

Passed away and expired come to mind.

Let’s examine these just for giggles….

Passed away…. That is what football teams do in the 4th quarter and down 20 points in a futile effort to come back. (Unless lead by an awesome QB named Stump Godfrey who did this while guiding Gilmer to the 2009Texas State Football Championship)
Grandpa was NO John Elway…he smoked 17 packs of cigarettes a day for 64 years and drank enough whiskey that Jack Daniels named a Distillery after him!!! They were going to cremate him but apparently ALCOHOL burns…almost took out 2 city blocks when they lit the match… Grandpa most definitely did NOT pass away… He died from Lung Cancer and Cirrhosis.

Expired… Makes me think of a rotting hamburger meat and spoiled milk… None of these conjure up images of goodness,warmth or a great way to describe the “dearly departed.”

Think about it… My Spouse just died and the Doctor tells me she has expired… Good job, those are real comforting words!!! Why not just slap my Mama and kick the dog, too!

A funny death aside now..
A family friend died when our son was 4 or 5 years old. We talked about death and explained that it was kind of like a nap. We thought he understood the basic concept so off to the viewing we went.

As we approached the body, he shouted, “You need to wake up because my daddy needs to play!!!” …. AWKWARD. Glad the family had a warped sense of humor, and everyone chuckled…

After many years as a Paramedic, I have heard some funny ways to talk about death… Pardon my callousness in advance-
Pushing up Daisy
Taking a dirt nap
Gone to meet Jesus
No more Birthdays
Transferred by the OTHER taxi service in town
Cancel Christmas (or closest holiday)
And my personal favorite….

Death- God’s Ultimate weight-loss plan

Basically what I am saying is when I DIE, I am dead… Just plain old D-E-D dead! No more…no less…

I have spent my life helping others to laugh… So if you please…NO crying because I have gone to the “great beyond” (hopefully) and if not, just stomp on the floor every now and again to say hello!!!

And know…that’ll make me smile (wherever I am!)

One Response to “Death- The Final Frontier”
  1. Tasha Wittebort says:

    Stump is awesome – right??? Yes I know I am biased. I thank you for pointing out that euphemisms suck. I often wonder why someone uses those terms. They sound so uncaring and rude!!!! I guess you can tell I am finally catching up with your blogs today!!


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