The obnoxious state of HAPPINESS!!!
I have come to the conclusion that being happy and cheerful is NOT a good thing.
It seems that people WANT to be unhappy and miserable…and they detest the optimist. I should know…I have been both!!! Right now, I am rethinking my options…
I was so mean and hateful as a youth. If I wasn’t outwardly, I was INSIDE!! My parents were kind and supporting. My brothers and sisters- for all I have said- always had my back. I had just about everything I needed in life- food, shelter, and clothes. I was missing just one element during those teenage years and early 20s- LOVE!
I don’t think I was mean on the outside to people but I HATED their guts. I secretly yearned for their failure…and sometimes swung a rubber chicken around my head 3 times at the stroke of midnight in hopes of throwing some bad “juju” their general direction… OK, not really….But I wanted to and that is just as good for me.
They seemed so happy and ACCEPTED.
I hate that word – THEY
Why is happiness so contingent upon THEM? Why do I allow THEM to make me happy or sad? Why does THEIR opinion of me matter so much?
Don’t get me wrong, I STILL need validation… But I am in a 12 step program to overcome the need to feel important to others… And I still do stuff for others trying to gain their stupid approval.. But. I guess acknowledgment of the problem is the first step!!!
What I have been worked on is becoming important to ME! I have tried to become the person I would want to be friends with.. (Still not sure I like ME yet..but most days I tolerate myself)
This did NOT happen by accident…it was quite on purpose. Not by me..and certainly NOT with my permission..
You see, 13 years ago, God sent an angel into my life. This awesome woman told me to SHUT UP because she was tired of hearing me be so negative! Quite blunt… You know what…Quite effective!
I still have my blah days…my crabby patty moments..my swing a rubber chicken “juju” moments…but they are farther and few between.
I think the difference now…and why I choose to be happy is that I know how much it stinks to be unhappy and yearning for love!!!!
(I think is where I am supposed to say thank you and I LOVE YOU, MARY!!!!!…but I have never been really good at those public emotions things)
Now, I guess the challenge to myself and the 2 people (besides my mom and my wife) who read this blog is to figure out a way to BE HAPPY today in spite of all those negative haters out there… I think. I might just have to give some old sour puss a HUG today!!!!
Aaron
Thoughts from My Crazed Mind 
I like the idea of the rubber chicken and midnight!!!!!! LOL
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I love you too, Aaron. I’ve enjoyed the last 13 years and look forward to the next 13 + years.
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You were always kind…..to me atleast. I experience the same feelings and emotions that you have recently written about. I bet most people would never know that. It is best to be an optimist! Keep writing! I love reading your thoughts!
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All people go through stages in their life when they feel inadequate and unhappy on whatever level it is, eventually they learn what you have just said…..love yourself. I don’t know how I did it or when I did it, I just knew I wanted to be happy so I figured it out. I can tell you in my children’s life when that change came, it was the difference between night and day and as Curly says on City Slickers, “…it’s one thing” Problem is, that one thing is different for all of us. Gimme an “Amen!” Good luck on your path dear brother, you are loved so deeply by me and I want you to be happy!! (you really are happy and content, you just need a pity party. Join in everybody…piiiiiiiiiiiiiiity, piiiiiiity….)
p.s.–we all have rubber chicken days; that was funny!
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